vomit

A pen and a pad are the tools of our emotions. As we sit they poor, they seep from the heart and vomit from the mouth. A pen and a pad that's all we need, let it flow, let the heart cry out until the emotions run dry. Let it burn deep down like the last flame before the wick is done. The thoughtless void of not knowing, of having never known but thirsting for is so. I sat down with a pen and a pad and let it all come out

our thought process

Its amazing to me how powerful are thoughts are. One thought at any random hour can creep in your mind forever. It was a thought late in the evening, that turned into a prayer request. Drying my hair the next morning I realized that my dreams the night before had been focused on the same thought that crossed my mind the evening prior. Why? I had let it go, I had lifted it up to God and there it was stalking me in my sleep. Somethings aren't meant to be understood, the meaning behind them can never be revealed when you expect it to. Some thoughts linger on for a lifetime and we never are able to find closure. Other thoughts, the good ones that make you wake in the morning with a smile on your face that you swear your guardian angel placed there, don't stick around for long, light hits and the thought life fades. There are those moments early in the morning the minutes between half asleep and half awake, the moments where you beg and plead with the man upstairs for whatever it is you fear to pass and with every word of prayer you ask that the Lord might protect you, that the fear to get out of bed might pass so that you can find those happy thoughts, so that you can go about your day with a smile, a smile that is real. Its those moments between our dreams and our reality that set the pace for the day and this particular morning reality was my fear.

Desktop Calendar Quotes

And there it sat plain as day staring me in the face. The office was quiet, the hum of the computer was deafening. Only a few weeks behind on my desktop calendar and the thought occurred to catch myself up, October 27th it read "We can be very brave about so many things, yet we are often wimps with those we love". And there it was, there it is and there it ever will be. So in sheer annoyance I kept flipping, tearing the days out one by one with fury in my fingers. How dare the writer of this desktop calendar get a laugh at my expense I sat and thought. So I watched the days that had passed fall to the floor, as my heart silently wept to get them all back. As I turned to look in the garbage I saw Thursday November 13th resting atop the pile "The brother that gets me is going to get one hell of a fabulous woman" - Aretha Franklin
So I reached down, pulled it out and sat with it for awhile. Yogurt stained it was but the truth it held. Things may not always be easy, the road may seem a bit twisted at times and ever so lonely but in the end this one simple desktop calendar quote holds the truth. When the times is right and by the will of God the loneliness will pass and there on the other side of it all, he will stand, ready and waiting, for me, for my heart, and what a poor man this will be. Yet isn't this quote so true... for all of us?

The Unidentified Man In My Thoughts

Captivating it is.. Like a shadow in the night he appears and reappears at will. It's never really up to me, he doesn't come when I call, he doesn't write when I reply, he just shows up like a thief in the night, stealing my heart out from under my sight.
His time spent with me is never really about "us" as captivating as the moments are when in the company of one another, we simply exists. We exists in the moment at hand, we laugh, we joke, we sing, together. It is in these moments of my heart where he lives, he has carved out his own space all the while moving my pride out of the way and rearranging the insecurities and doubts that previously existed where he lays.
This unidentified man has confused the issues of my heart and as nicely as he walked in, I believe it's time to part. They never stay forever, a lifetime is too long, a season will do when your ego is down and the train will move along. You can not ask this man to stay even for a moment more, because it is in his nature when he feels it coming, pick up, let go and head for the door.
Someday you will identify this theft that roams your thoughts at night, grazing on your helpless heart, you'll stand with confidence and put back up a fight. Your thoughts will no longer be a cloud of hazy mess, your eyes will open, your heart will glow and your prince charming will put it down to rest. Close your eyes my child, Wait it out my child, have faith my child for the best is yet to come.

First Timer

And so it begins, the Blog of a lifetime the mishap of drama.
Blog is the way to go Im told so here on this day, is where it begins. I believe the best way to start is with the present, whatever is currently afflicting the heart at this moment in time. With enough time and so many words, the past will make it's way out of the closet.
The past is such a polite way to openly admit you are about to vomit out your insides for the entire world to read... excuse me please while I prepare myself for the experience.